An artifact from my hilarious past

Here is, word for word [except for a couple unmentionable names], this amazing pre-blog thing I found the other day that I wrote on April 2, 2004:

Ha ha! Look at me on BART writing! I can't remember all the brilliant things I was going to say on all those other mornings, of course, when I didn't bring my book. But OK, we'll start with the trivial: I lo-o-ove that Nick thinks [Male Antagonist] is a dick. No, not even a dick. "I'm a dick," he said. "That guy, he's a douchebag, a fucking worthless individual." He of course cited as an example that night almost a month ago when [Male Antagonist] "got all confrontational about a lighter." It's true: he was ready to defend the honor of the lighter he called "black" because Nick had referred to it as "charcoal." But Nick, of course, could easily be similarly confrontational over something equally unimportant, though perhaps slightly more interesting or engaging. I find it so amusing that Nick and Amanda think it's more pretentious to talk about books than music. Ha! I find that not many people even want to talk about books at all, but EVERYONE wants to show off their musical knowledge, or the fact that they're so not up to date on the current music scene (that's just me). Maybe it's just the post-collegiate mentality -- a backlash against academia. We'd all rather talk about pop culture than scholastic endeavors. Books, they seem to inaccessible, not instantly gratifying enough. Those of us who bother with the slow satisfaction of reaching the final page of a well-crafted (or not) novel must be some kind of snobs, right? I don't really think people try to outread each other in the way that they constantly try to one-up each other with obscure musical knowledge. Or, really, whatever. This is not a diatribe. God, what would Nick say?

Something about how [Mutual Friend] would be lucky to make out with my non-didactic ass or something. I mean, [Mutual] "Let me see the box" [Friend]. He likes [Random Female Character] a 1.5 on the 1-10 scale. This is of course after (or maybe before) we had that conversation about people Nick feels indifferent about and determined that I fall into that category. Indifference on the verge of "like." And then we're in Amanda's car, and Nick and Jeff are wrestling violently in the back seat. Amanda and I were totally the overtired parents who just give up on keeping the kids under control and settle for keeping their mayhem confined to the back seat.

Everybody writes the same. Oral colloquialisms interspersed with pretentious synonyms for otherwise mundane verbiage. Oh, and I can't believe I misspelled "disastrous" in my Friendster post today. But oh man, what a piece of work that was! All those Russians! I must look like such an impossible asshole, putting up a Friendster post about 5 parties I might possibly go to this weekend! Wow yeah. Anyone who reads it as such would either be an idiot or just spot-on. Hopefully people will just be amused. I'm taking it down tomorrow. <---- (I didn't. I love it. People came to parties because of me! Yeah!)