I'm not seriously still mad, am I?

See, this is totally why I'm keeping this blog in addition to omgnyc, because things happen like my jerk of a high school boyfriend calling me. We've been broken up since effing 1998, but still just the sound of his voice on my voicemail makes me criiiiiiiinge.

He found me on Facebook about a year ago, and my first reaction to receiving the message was, "I don't ever want to see him again." I don't want to hold grudges, and I'm sure that most of the douchey things he did stemmed for from him being young than actually being a dick. He was mean to his mom. I guess that could be considered normal teenage boy behaviour, but I always felt like he was over the top. We would get in the craziest fights, and I'm sure I was an asshole too. I threw my phone against the wall so many times that the ringer stopped working. No matter how much we might have grown up and changed, and no matter how fascinated I am with all my exes (hi, Ian), there was no reason for me to see this guy. Plus the bad grammar in his message was totally irritating. Ignore.

Then I ran into HSBF's ex-BFF a few weeks ago at Dalva, and told him that I'd heard from HSBF. It suddenly made me feel bad for not writing back. I don't know why we started talking about it; I run into HSBF's ex-BFF pretty frequently around Oaktown. But, ugh, in a fit of stupidity or nostalgia or irrational forgiveness, I messaged HSBF back, made some stupid joke about why it took me a whole year to respond...and gave him my phone number.

I don't know, he's doing interesting things. He works on the Farallones, cool! We have like ten years of our lives to catch up on! I keep my exes around on purpose! I get all annoyed that things seem awkward and strained between me and SP! I should totally give HSBF a chance, right? Why can't I just let go and be a grown up and not be angry? It's not like I sit around being pissed off, but I do kinda blame him for ruining all my subsequent relationships. So then I think, "Ooh, this could shed some light on my penchant for dating douches..."

Ugh, fine, I guess I'll call him back.