This email almost made me pee in my pants!

Note: this is a friend's commentary on another friend's email to me. I had to cover my mouth with my hand to keep from laughing like a big ol' hyena at work. I'll color-code to avoid confusion.


Please find my comments inserted in his email below, ma'am.

whatever julia... never emailing me and shit

[I LOVE "AND SHIT" AND SHIT!!! AND HE STARTS HIS EMAILS WITH WHATEVER!!! THE ONLY THING THAT WOULD MAKE ME LOVE HIM MORE WOULD BE "WHATEVS," BUT WHATEVS, IT'S STILL CUTE AND SHIT!!!]

j/k

[HOLY SHIT!!! HE JUST SAID "J/K"!!! IS HE ME??? I LOVE THIS GUY!!!]

which is internet for just kidding

[AWWWWW... HE'S BEING TOTALLY CUTE AND JUST FILLING IN SPACE WITH STUPID JOKES AND THOUGHTS B/C THE BOTTOM LINE IS, HE JUST WANTS TO STICK IT THE FUCK IN, AND HE'S TRYING TO RESUME CONTACT.]

wtf

[I LOVE HIS G.D. ABBREV'S!!! THEY'RE KILLING ME!!!]

yes, i know i know

so many buttons on this computer!!!!

[AND HE USES SUPERFLUOUS PUNCTUATION, JUST LIKE ME!!! I LOVE IT!!!]

this week i move out. been working like day and night for the past month...

[TRANSLATION: GET IT WHILE IT'S HOT AND SWEATY]

busybusybusy

[TRANSLATION: HORNYHORNYHORNY]

anywho,

[I LOVE ANYWHO!!!]

i hope you are doing well and hope that are [OUCH, BAD TYPO] virtual textings will persist (email) [THANKS FOR BREAKING IT DOWN, HOMEY] as well as all the rest of life [LIFE? BACK OFF, DUDE. IS THIS A MARRIAGE PROPOSAL?] (going out to non-virtual locations, sending facemail (face2face messaging)

cheerio

[AWWW... ARE YOU BWITISH?]

k

[I LOVE SIGNING OFF WITH JUST ONE INIITIAL. IT'S TOTAL SK8R BOI MADNESS!]


In conclusion, if he's hot, ride the pony. If not, I secretly love him b/c that was officially the cutest email in the world and i want to squish this boy into a little ball and carry him around in my pocket all day.