I stop reading SexPigeon for nary a week, and lo and behold, look what appears:

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If I were Julia L****, man, I'd be running scared. Because you don't know what's coming Julia, you can't even fit its largeness into your tiny brain. You're like a goldfish but knock-kneed. Can't even run, can't even run. Shit, man, oh, shit, oh, shit.

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It's true, though, I can't run. I walk so funny that Gabe once asked me if it was enough of a liability to get me out of P.E. in high school. That I was around the time that I yelled at him. I walk so funny that I assume that whenever people look at me on the street, they are looking at my funny walk. And I am like a gold-fish, all going around in circles, thinking, "Oh look, a castle! Oh look, a castle! Oh look, a castle!" It's the same castle every time, let me assure you.

And if you scroll down, you can see Tag's fantasies, which I simply adore, of girls battling over boys. A while back it was Stephen H'ley. This time, Matt Gl'son. And he always spells Galina's name wrong. Other than the spelling of Galina, I am always impressed by Tag's impeccable spelling and grammar. Do you think he proofreads his own shit? Or does he hire someone with one of those green visors to do it for him? Wait, are those for Vegas card dealers or for newspaper men? Does J. Reich wear one?

So, we went to Sarah D'bel's party, Ian, Ben O. and I. We met Matty B. and Jaffee and Godric "Don't Stop the Rock!" Rochl'n there. Those were the ones we anticipated seeing anyway. Bryn C. I didn't expect; I thought she was still in LA or something, if she was ever there in the first place. Jamal B-W was a bit of a surprise; his stand-offishness was not. Justin W., well, I saw him the week before, so the novelty has worn off. Carter? WTF? Didn't we have Spanish together with that crazy lady? Megan C., yeah. Vinny, duh. Ben P. I certainly didn't expect, nor did I expect his charm. He fucking asked me if I was still acting. I'm fairly certain I haven't talked to this guy since 1996, and here he is, in 2005, remembering my musical theater years.

It takes so little to impress me.

Also unexpected was Jaffee's drunkenness. Oh, wow. It was awesome. And I finally realized why Godric was so concerned the last time I saw him: he missed my decline into hard drinking. That was his first time witnessing the horror. And aw, Miles, thankfully, was as drunk or drunker than I was at Balazo, so we decided that we had both been terribly charming, and not the least bit obnoxious.

And Matt wants to know, as I'm sure we all do: who's cuter, Stephen or Miles? Having missed their show last night due to sheer exhaustion with a twist of lazy, I'm not sure I can cast a vote here. Perhaps another ballot box will be in place on March 3 at the Stork.