Sexcellent!

I'm working on my "goal statement" and "personal history statement" for UCSF, trying to pin down the moment I became obsessed with sex-ed, and why, exactly, that makes me think I should become a family nurse practitioner. It makes me think of the stupid crap essay I wrote that got me into UCB, all about how much I loved performing. And hm, after I wrote that essay, I was pretty much never on stage again.

I've been cruising the webs, reading about what it means to be an NP according to UCSF, the CANP, Wikipedia...and then I just go back and read my own blog archives to see if I can get a little bit more insight into myself. (Har har.)

What I did come across was me saying, in early 2005, that the thrill of the chase was gone for me. I didn't realize it happened that long ago. I have a booty call waiting in the wings, but every time he contacts me, I just get annoyed. It might be because the last time I was at his house I felt really nauseous, so I just have a negative association, but I don't think that's it. I think I'm done with conquests, I'm sad to say. I'm sure I will never, never stop checking out dudes in bars, grocery stores, laundromats, the street, wherever. One of my fave things to do is give the "Dontcha?" look to some hottie walking around with his GF. (Such a bitch!) I wonder, though, if I do that precisely because there is no chance that the dude will respond in kind. And I also wonder if I'm just saying I'm done because I'm cranky and freaked out right now. Totally possible. And/or lazy.

I'm trying to determine whether the sluttiness is connected to the sex-ed obsession; I mean, obv they are at some level. And I know which one informed the other, contrary to what advocates of abstinence-only education might assume. I'm working on incorporating some kind of point about how lucky I was that parents never kept sex a secret, but the wording sounds gross. I mean that I don't remember a time when I didn't know about sex, I don't remember getting the "sex talk;" I've been pretty aware of the whole thang since before I can remember. Maybe being a total horndog since preschool gave me some kind of innate knowledge, but I suspect it had more to do with mom'n'dad. See? It sounds gross. But you know what I mean.

OMG though, my brother used to like to check out "What's Happening to Me?" from the library, and make my dad read it to him like it was a bedtime story. Whenever there was a part about pubes, my dad would conclude the sentence with "...even if you only have one hair." Personally, I was more interested in "Where Did I Come From?" since it had more pubes.