Spooooooooooooky!!

For some reason, I feel like a Friday the 13th in October is doubly spooky. I overheard the dumbest conversation about it yesterday. I was in Rasputin last night, and this guy says to this girl, "Is there a Friday the 13th soon?" and she replies, "Yeah, tomorrow!" He says, "Whoa, isn't there a Friday the 13th, like, every October?" Ditzy as she seemed, she still said, "Um, nooooo..." And he goes, "Are you sure?" Wow, duh. But then, I'm so ruh-tarded that I keep thinking that Halloween already happened. It's Vampire Disco! It totally confused me! I saw fake blood and white facepaint and figured it must be Halloween. Because I am dumb and have little to no sense of time. Is it just me, or did we just skip directly from summer to winter? (You can be my intern, and in turn, I can teach you how to cook up summer in the win-terrr! God, I effing love Kanye sometimes. And by that I mean all the time.)

So, I've been spending copious amounts of time reading celeb goss', mostly in the form of celeb shit-talking, because who wants to hear anything about people who are famous for no reason except how badly they're dressed and how they look like ET? Come on. But honestly, I expected more out of Perez Hilton. He's funny and all, but his typos kill me. That's not to say that I never use the wrong word, or leave out words, or jam 5 sentences into one, or make up words, or just use too many commas, or too many clauses, or whatev. But yo, dude, you're high profile and I'm not. However, there are still many things I enjoy about Perezelle. He really hates Beyonce and he really loves Janice "Crazy McCrazy" Dickinson. I, too, love/hate/am terrified of Janice, but I always had some love for Beyonce, just because she rocks so much booty, and I always appreciate a celeb spokeswoman for the bootyful girls of the world. I never realized how derivative she was! I'm kind of disappointed. But not as disappointed as I was when she "slimmed down" and lost a substantial amount of ass. (See, that's why I'm so lazy about working out! It's for a reason!)

Speaking of the bootyful girls of the world, let's talk about my ass for a minute. In high school, I always thought my ass was a liability, and I really hated standing at the blackboard with my back to the class. But then, I started receiving such rave reviews as, "Whoa! Your ass!" (uh, yes, that's a compliment) and my personal favorite, "Daaaaamn, you got an ass like a black girl!" I now want to talk to pretty much everyone with my back to them, coyly looking over my shoulder with an "ooh-boy-you're-lookin'-like-you-like-what-you-see" expression. Unfortunately, that really starts to hurt your neck after a while. I know. Trust me, I know. Now I settle for bending over to pick things up off the ground a lot. And I don't bend at the knees.

Confidence: sky high. You might even call me a cocky bastard.