i want nothing more than to stab myself in the eye

Is that so much to ask? No, I like my eyes. Maybe I could just go poke dead fish eyes in the supermarket like I used to do when I was a kid. Except that you never see fish just chillin (ha ha) on ice in Safeway anymore. They put them behind glass now. How am I supposed to poke their eyes now? And don't I get enough eye-poking every morning now that I have entered the wonderful world of contact lenses?
 
Wow, Blogspot got a lot fancier since this morning. I can change fonts? I don't have to look at all that html crap while I'm writing? Life is sweet. Except that I sunburned my nose today. And I have THE most unreliable friends in the freakin universe. Always have, always will. I really really love them, and I really really understand their time conflicts, and their work commitments and all that stuff, I really do. Jen Heller, I love you, but I really would like to stab you, just a little bit. I mean, what did I expect? This has become the routine of my summer for the past...let me think...10 years? I've only gotten my friends to go on this trip with me twice. And both times it was sort of obligated boyfriend characters (see?? I can't say it!!). And Gabe (yay!). It does not matter how many months in advance I announce the trip, it does not matter how many multitudes I invite, it does not matter how many people initially say yes, it does not matter how many people actually plan to go even up the moment they are supposed to arrive. I'm just feeling a little abandoned, and I'm going to air my frustration in a public forum because I do not want to have an actual conversation about it. But next time you see me, please give me a hug. My own parents won't even come with me. Gabe, my friend, if you flake, I will fucking stab you. I'd much rather stab your eye than mine. No pressure though, ha ha...ha. I would never ever guilt anyone into going on vacation with me because I would so much rather they not come then come and be all "Julia's a crazy bitch" or whatever. I kind of feel like I'm a crazy person already, like there's some reason nobody ever goes that's really obvious to everyone but me. Just come out and say it! "Sorry Julia, it's cause you have the plague, and we don't want to go swimming with you."
 
I love you guys, I'm just a little upset, and even more upset that I can't really be mad at anyone.
Oh and Erica and Rosalie left. I will not see them for a week and a half and I am very sad. I just decided, right this second, that when Erica comes back, I'm going to call her Shortstack instead of Pancakes. I'm sure she'll love it.